Publishing people continue to lament the industry downturn to the point that I want to tear my hair out, I mean there has to be a way to save publishing, right? Then it occurred to me: print more diaries.
And no, I don’t mean the youngest Kardashian’s diary, I mean blank ones. Hear me out…
I got the idea when a good friend of mine was severely traumatized when her mother (recently single) shared her most recent dating story with her. Well, it wasn’t really dating, it was – errr, something else. Our parents having sex gives me nightmares and my friend (also faint of heart in that category) nearly ran screaming from the room. “Don’t you have a diary?” She yelled as she left her mother’s side thereby severing the uber-icky conversation. This got me to thinking that a) parents should never share this information with their children and b) is it just me or do we live in a country of people who love to overshare? From sex tapes to pictures of your ingrown toenail on Facebook, we’ve become a land of voyeurs and people who are more than willing to “put it all out there” – so in an effort to help class-up society, I thought that maybe instead of encouraging people to post more personal crap on Facebook to share with the 2,000 people you don’t know, put it in a diary as it was originally intended anyway.
Seriously, no one wants to read your endless personal ramblings on Twitter, Facebook or wherever. I’m sorry your boyfriend dumped you like an empty bag of Doritos, guess what? He was a douchebag anyway. Put your big girl panties on, resist the urge to post hourly updates about your post-breakup mourning period and move the hell on.
I mean is it just me? I’m so over over-sharing I could scream. Diaries people. Get a diary and publishers, listen up: you could get uber creative with this. Themed diaries, beautiful artistic diaries, “great for gifts” marketing ploys, the possibilities are endless.
And for those of you who are thinking, “That will never take off…”, well you’re probably the worst offenders, so here’s a starter list of things you shouldn’t be putting on social media that would be perfect for your diary:
Pictures of your food. At home, out to eat, unless you’re a professional food photographer I promise there’s no one else that thinks it looks appetizing. And just think, you might actually enjoy a hot meal for once if you cut out the posting to Facebook delay! Add the pics to your diary instead and all of a sudden you have a personal coffee table book.
Parenting woes. No one wants to hear how hard it’s been to housebreak your kid. Or “potty train”, whatever. Same goes with the number of diapers you go through in a day, projectile vomit, or how long it’s been since you’ve showered or had sex. Put it in your diary so when you’re crying at Junior’s graduation you can give yourself a reality check.
Political/religious views. If you care so much get your ass back to school and become a civil rights attorney. Otherwise put it in your diary and send a donation to the crooked politician of your choice and be done with it. And just because I don’t click “like” on an image of Jesus holding a puppy doesn’t mean you can damn me to hell.
Injuries/health issues. Come on, gross. Burns, cuts, broken bones, undiagnosed fluids, etc. should really be saved for your physician or a bored ER attendant. None of your friends or followers can help you, and if you really need a home remedy there’s this cool thing now called Google, check it out. It’s anonymous. Then track your string of problems in your diary and voila! you have a personal health record.
Selfies. Yes, that’s a term. Self portraits posted randomly are nothing more than desperate cries for attention. If you the reassurance that you’re not completely hideous start a photo diary and then mail a copy to that person in high school that thought you walked on water. Maybe they’re still desperate enough to care.
Play by plays. No one needs to know your every thought or action, except maybe the new wave of criminals that scour social media to see who’s not home. Yep. Think about that next time you check in.
But there are some things that will always be allowed however, like pictures of cute dogs, and babies unknowingly doing inappropriate adult things. Or major, limited time sales, come on, share the good deal. And honestly, if you do accomplish something great or have something for the better good then by all means share it.
I’m not saying we do away with social media, I’m just saying there’s a time and a place, so make a diary the time and place when appropriate.