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From X-Files to Sex Files: How I almost had Sex with Fox Mulder

There’s something you should know about me right up front: sometimes I am perpetually 12 years old.

You’d think that being a publicist that I’d be totally comfortable around famous people right? Well I am, to a degree but I’m also a goofball and, well, sometimes I just need to be slapped.David Duchovney

Also, I think as you’re reading this you should remember that a) I’m a huge fan of the X-Files, I mean huge and b) even at my age, I still need quite a bit of supervision.

Anyway, several years ago I was waiting to catch a plane back to New York, I had been at an event in So Cal and was eager to head home. As I passed through security, I saw David Duchovny walking towards the first class lounge. He sort of smiled (though probably not at me but at the leggy blond behind me) and walked into the lounge. I headed to my gate, grabbed a seat and waited for my plane. After about thirty minutes, a man sits next to me and I only had to glance at his profile to realize it was The David himself. Now, I should have engaged him in a conversation, maybe said how much I still missed the show, whatever. Instead, I chose to text a friend of mine: OMG I’m sitting next to Fox Mulder.

Yep. Super classy.

So we board the plane, he’s in first of course and I’m in roach and about halfway through the flight, someone gets on the loudspeaker and says: “Can I have your attention please!” Well, you know in the age of post 9-11 security, I figured that well, this is it. The plane has been hijacked and the only thing they’ll remember is that David Duchovny was on the flight that was bombed, or whatever. I’m on Skype with a friend of mine and I IM her:

Someone is making an announcement, I think the plane is being hijacked. If it is, I’m making a beeline up to first to, you know, see if David needs a little company.

It was of course not the case, but rather a young man who was proposing to his girlfriend and before you say “awwwwwww” let me just add that she was sitting in coach in a middle seat. If I hadn’t been so obsessed with my pre-occupation of Fox Mulder sharing my flight, I probably would have gone over to her and whispered the words: RED FLAG in her ear but I didn’t. You know every man (or woman) for themselves.

So the plane lands and the dream is done.#Xfiles

Well, sort of done.

That weekend I decide to head to the Village to catch a movie and as I walk into the theatre I hear the unmistakable voice. As luck or karma or whatever you want to call it would have it, Duchovny was in the theatre, too. I watched him usher his kid off to a movie and thought for a second about giving up my own movie choice to follow him in but, you know even *I* found that to be sketchy. Still, I mean really, what are the chances that I’d run into this guy in the city the size of New York? But I shrugged and realized that I’d look horrible in orange and instead I bought my popcorn and my ticket and headed in to watch George Clooney because you know if you can’t have David, why not George?

I walked into the theatre and realized there was someone behind me, when I turned I came face to face with David. There he was, sunglasses and, let me say, screaming hot. I finally just couldn’t help myself. I smiled and said:

“You’re going to think this is really weird….” (yes, always good to start a conversation off that way, especially with a celebrity)…” But we were on the same plane into New York and now we’re here…”

And with that he lowered his sunglasses and looked at me over the rim, smiled his “Fox Mulder” smile and said: “What do you think that means?”

Now, you know a normal red-blooded woman would say something equally seductive, right? Even saying something like, “Well, it’s dark in the theatre so you know…” Instead, my insides twisted, I was inches away from him and all of a sudden (much to my own chagrin) a horrible and 12-year old sounding giggle erupted from my throat.

“I-I don’t know.” I stumbled like some incoherent idiot.

David, of course now being fully disgusted (as I’m sure you are, dear reader, plus he’s a sex addict so really it should have been in the bag) almost shook his head and walked past me into the theatre and that was that.

I told this to a friend of mine the next day and she said: I almost feel like I should pretend I don’t know you.

I totally agree. So that was my almost-affair-X-Files-Sex-File saga. The universe though clearly trying to steer things in my favor, I was determined to drive my love life off a cliff.

David, if you’re reading this and still interested, let’s meet up for a matinee.

xo