You should know that I’ve killed a few jokes in my time, killed a few relationships, I even have a “killer” black dress. But never in my entire life have I ever killed someone, you know another person (though there was a time or two when I wanted to call my Uncle Vinnie to, eh, handle one of my authors).
I feel like I need to mention this because recently, all over the news, there’s this gal in Pennsylvania who shot her niece after she got married. But wait, it gets even dicier. She shot her in the parking lot of a bar while they were fighting over who would drive home. Apparently the fight was about who would be the designated driver (see, the whole designated driver thing *is* pretty lethal). Anyway, Christina George was carted away in handcuffs, still wearing her wedding dress. Now *that’s* what I call a shotgun wedding.
So, with all due respect to the family who lost a loved one – and I’m very sorry about that, can I just say: Who brings a shotgun to a wedding? I mean seriously, I can see the list now:
- Rice – check
- Wedding license – check
- Bouquet – check
- Gun – check
- Extra bullets in case Uncle Al gets out of line – check
I mean what the hell do you need a gun for at a wedding? In case a guest takes one too many cocktail weenies because I’m sure that’s what they served at this impossibly red-neck affair. And of course, my gallows humor can’t be stopped because when Christina George was carted off in her wedding dress, handcuffed and shoved into the back of a police car, I had to wonder how one picks an all-purpose dress like that? “It’s great for the wedding and the incarceration!”
So, just to be clear again, this is not me. Though you know it’s now a “thing” around the office:
Don’t make me go all “Christina George” on you.
Consider yourself warned.